Truly Living

Bear with me as my thoughts may be a little more disjointed than normal for a blog post, even from me. Blogging has always been very therapeutic for me as it allows me to sort out my thoughts. In the last few years, they tend to be thoughts I’ve mulled over a lot, in this case it’s all very fresh in my mind.

So obviously I’ve been totally distracted by purpose lately. I’ve been learning what to let go of and what to look for. How to seek risk and sacrifice at the expense of comfort and familiarity. Not just to give things up, but to pursue a purpose filled life.

There was a period in my life where I felt very alive. For a high schooler, I actually had my head on pretty straight and my heart pretty focused. Most likely due to my parents forcing the absence of distractions, but I don’t view it as a bad thing. In college I learned how to make my faith my own by really asking questions and finally getting answers.

As most graduates, I kind of did my own thing for a few years. So now, 8 1/2 years after I graduated high school, in some ways I feel like I’m getting back to where I was. In other ways I’ve moved so far past it. Either way, I want to feel alive again.

One thing I really truly appreciate about Mike Baker, our pastor at Eastview, is his genuineness. One of my biggest pet peeves is lack of authenticity. I can tell when someone’s being fake with me from a mile away. Mike is human and not afraid to admit that. I think it’s one of the reasons I’m able to learn and relate so much.

Today especially, a lot stuck out to me.

I don’t know if it was anything specific from today without the surroundings of everything else I’ve been learning. But let me just try to explain. In all of this freaking out about what my life purpose is, to the point of genuine tears streaming uncontrollably down my face, and fear of being stuck where I am, I’ve had a few key realizations in my life lately.

I don’t have to worry about not meeting His expectations. God will ensure my success in accordance with His plan, not mine.
(Crazy Love, Francis Chan)

Aka. God’s power is not limited by my actions. It’s okay if I don’t make “all the right moves” 100% of the time. His plan is still going to win.

Even the act of searching for purpose leads to growth. It causes you to ask questions you couldn’t otherwise ask and look for answers in places where you wouldn’t otherwise look, to pay attention to things you wouldn’t have noticed before, and to make connections and find meaning where you couldn’t see it before.
(Laws of Lifetime Growth, Dan Sullivan)

Just do something. Start taking actions. Take a step in any direction I feel led and see how it goes. Wrong way? It’s okay. I’m still going to grow and I can get back up and take a new step in a different direction. No big deal.

For in him we live and move and have our being.
(Acts 17: 28a, NIV

Now choose life … that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.
(Deuteronomy 30:19-20, NIV)

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
(John 10:10b, NIV)

God wants us to come close to him. If we seek him out, connect with him, get close to him, we are truly living, a life in fact that is better than we ever dreamed of. 

A part of us feels as if something is spiritually wrong with us when we experience circumstantial uncertainty. But that is precisely what Jesus promised us when we are born of the Spirit and start following Him. Most us will have no idea where we are going most of the time. And I know that I know that is unsettling. But circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name: adventure.
(Wild Goose Chase, Mark Batterson)

I’m not even sure this one needs an explanation. Don’t worry about getting your ducks in a row and figuring out the whole plan. It’s never going to happen. Just start taking action. This point is being pounded into me repeatedly lately. This book has made such an impact on me. I’m thinking about reading it again even though I just finished it a month ago. It’s just so solid.

When God puts a passion in your heart, whether it be relieving starvation in Africa or educating children in the inner city or making movies with redemptive messages, that God-ordained passion becomes your responsibility. And you have a choice to make. Are you going to be irresponsibly responsible or responsibly irresponsible? Responsible irresponsibility means refusing to allow your human responsibilities to get in the way of pursuing the passions God puts in your heart.
(Wild Goose ChaseMark Batterson)

So that’s all I have. A desire to do something with purpose, something that makes me feel alive, something that spills God’s love out on others. A challenge to stop just learning and to start taking action. A hint of times in my past when my heart has pulsed so strongly that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that what I was doing was indeed a God-ordained passion.

I used to focus a lot on fear, and how to overcome it, but for me that’s hardly even an issue anymore.

I love this quote: 

The price of our vitality is the sum of all our fears.
(David Whyte

Now my biggest fear, and I’m not even sure that’s the right term, is that I won’t find the right steps before comfort and familiarity cage me in once again. I’ve known my whole life I was called for something more. Something that is by no one’s definition average.

It’s time to find out what that is. And to start living.



Copyright © 2014. Sherrie Rohde.